


Forever and always

by Idk_queen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depressed Hinata Shouyou, Eating Disorders, Found Family, Hinata Shouyou-centric, Karasuno Family, Kind of.....people just didn't notice, M/M, Secret Relationship, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Team Mom Sugawara Koushi, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Good Friend, daichi literally only has one line, except apparently tanaka and noya, kind of, nothing is really described and I'm not sure if it counts as an eating disorder, tags tags and tags galore, tsukishima and kageyama literally only have 3 lines between the both of them, wasn't asahi supposed to be in this? he didn't even talk oh well, written by a yamaguchi kinnie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 02:01:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29867469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idk_queen/pseuds/Idk_queen
Summary: Hinata can't keep going anymore, it's too hard. He grants himself the wish of seeing his team and boyfriend one more time before plunging into the cold water.This is angst with a happy ending.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, implied Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 43





	Forever and always

Hinata woke up with a headache. He always wakes up with a headache. He rolled over swiping the alarm on his phone and sat up rubbing his face. He sent his daily **good morning <3** text to Kenma then pulled on a pair of shorts and a hoodie. He walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth and caught himself staring at the pill bottle on the counter, _No, that’s not how I would want to go out._ He shook his head clearing the thought from his mind and made his way to the kitchen. “Good morning Shoyo, you want some breakfast?” She said from her position in front of the stove. He shook his head “No, thanks.” He headed for the door kissing Natsu on the forehead on his way out. “Bye-bye Shou Chan!” He heard her shout as the door closed behind him. 

He jumped on his bike and started his ride to school, he hesitated for a slight second while riding across a bridge on his way to school, _that wouldn’t be the worst way to die, it would be much more peaceful than most other options_ , he stared down at the water, _no, not yet, I have to see them one more time._ He locked his bike up when he got To the school. _Smile, just smile, all you have to do is smile._ He pulled out his phone seeing a reply from Kenma **Morning Sho <3** he smiled down at his phone, a genuine smile this time and then looked up noticing Kageyama walking up a bit. 

He smirked to himself and went running up and past the setter. “Boke Hinata Boke! They raced to the gym and Hinata won by just a step. “That’s 48 to 46, Kageyama, you’re getting slow!” Hinata leaned over catching his breath. “Shut up boke!” Kageyama grabbed his head squeezing it. “Hey! You two aren’t fighting are you?” They looked up now noticing Tanaka walking from the opposite direction. They both shook their heads and followed him into the gym. Surprisingly they weren’t the first there and were greeted by all of the third years and the second year trio. Daichi told them to work on some basic receiving drills while they waited for Noya and the other first years. Once everyone got there he said he had to use the bathroom, using it as an excuse to watch from a distance,  _ today’s the day, this is the last time he’d see them all together as a team. _

After practice, Hinata’s classes passed by quickly, he wasn’t paying attention as usual but this time it was for an entirely different reason and before he knew it, it was time for lunch. He sat down in the lunchroom and pulled out his bento box wondering what his mom had packed him. Not that it mattered, not that anything mattered anymore. When he opened it his stomach sank. It was some sort of pasta covered in sauce not that he knew what kind, but he wasn’t sure he could stomach it. For a few months, Hinata hadn’t been able to eat anything with too many carbs without making himself sick. He could eat, for example, chocolate, just fine. Not that he’d been eating much of that either, but anything that was mostly carbs like, bread and pasta, he just couldn’t stomach, especially things covered in sauce. He resisted the urge to chuck it into the trash and started eating slowly. “You alright Hinata?” He looked up realizing the other first years had joined him at the table. He turned to Yams who had asked the question. “Yeah I just think somethings wrong with my food, it’s messing with my stomach,” Hinata replied eying his food wearily. Yamaguchi nodded and turned back to his food. Hinata got about a third of the way through the contents of the box when he felt the bile rise in his throat. He quickly flew from his seat and ran to the bathroom emptying his stomach once he made it to the stall.

He sat there for a few minutes before he heard the door open, “Hinata? You in here?” Hinata looked over and saw Suga and Yams entering, “Yeah I’m here...” He said with a small, weak voice. Suga came over and kneeled next to him. “You okay?” He asked the small middle blocker, “I think I’m sick or something.” The decoy replied. Suga nodded and asked Yams to get some wet paper towels he turned to Hinata, “Yeah you look really pale, come on I’ll have Takeda sign us out and I’ll take you home.” Hinata could only reply as Suga wiped his face with the paper towels before turning around and offering Hinata a piggyback. He climbed on and smiled at Yams before they all left the bathroom. Suga made his way to the staff room and set Hinata on the bench outside while going in to talk to Takeda. He came back in and explained that they were free to go. “What about my bike?” Hinata asked when they sat on the bus they were using to get to the Hinata’s. “I’ll pay for you to ride the bus to school when you feel good enough to come back and you can ride it home then,” Suga replied curtly and Hinata only nodded knowing there was no point in arguing. He was a little disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to see the team one last time but he knew it was for the best.

When they got to the Hinata’s, Suga sent Shouyou to bed and made himself and Hinata bowls of soup. He brought it up and together they ate in comfortable silence. After they were through Suga took their bowls down and told Hinata to call him if he needed anything before heading home himself. Hinata lied there for a while before he heard his phone ding. He rolled over onto his side checking his phone.

**Kenma**

**Sorry if I’m interrupting you in class or anything but**

**we just got to lunch and Kuroo’s being annoying again**

Hinata laughed at that before replying 

**Loll you actually didn’t…Suga~san made me go home :(**

**You okay?**

**Yeah it’s nothing bad**

Hinata knew that wasn’t what it was but he didn’t want to worry kenma about it.

**Okay…. love you Shoyo <3**

**Love you too Kenma <333**

Hinata rolled out of bed and walked over to his desk grabbing a plastic bookmark off it going to sit back on the bed. He scraped it against his forearm leaving behind blemishes he knew would heal overnight or at least fade enough not to be seen by morning. After covering his arm in scrapes he set the bookmark on his nightstand and rolled over to try to sleep. His insomnia surprisingly didn’t keep him awake long and he soon fell into a soft sleep. 

When he woke up he checked the time on his phone and realized it was about the time his mom would get home from work. He walked into the living room finding his mom and Natsu on the couch watching some sort of cartoon. “Can I go stay the night at Kenma’s? I’ll get up really early to get to school on time.” Hinata’s mother looked at him for a minute before replying, “I suppose that would be alright… Just be careful and text me when you get there.” Hinata nodded thankfully and ran from the house, stopping just long enough to stare at his childhood home, a place he would never see again. Knowing Kenma would let him borrow some sleep clothes and he already had a few outfits over there, he made it to the train stop and locked his bike up there before boarding. He sat in his seat texting Kenma that he was coming over, not waiting for a reply he looked out the window beside him. He wasn’t even sure why he felt like this, why he just felt kind of hollow even when he had a perfect life, his Mom was amazing, and so were his sister and father even though the latter had to work late hours often. He was a starter on the team he’d always wanted to be on for goodness sake! And he was only a first year! These thoughts kept circulating through his head the entire way to Tokyo. 

When he got off the train his body took him almost by instinct to the bus he would need to get to Kenma’s house, he was on auto-drive as he greeted the driver and took a seat. He only snapped out of it when he reached Kenma’s. He hopped off the bus and ran up to the door knocking lightly. He bounced in his shoes as he waited for the door to open, and when it did he immediately tackled Kenma into a hug giggling into his shoulder. “Hey Shoyo,” Kenma said pushing him back enough to leave a kiss on his lips. Hinata smiled at him and they walked through the house hand in hand. Nobody else was home seeing as both of Kenma’s parents worked long hours and only came home on the weekends. They went into Kenma’s room and they sat in their favorite position, with Kenma leaning against the backboard with a pillow supporting his back so he was at an angle Hinata rested his head on the setters chest laying on top of him as he played on his psp. “Hey Kenma?” Hinata looked up at the dyed blond. The taller boy turned of his psp and turned to Hinata, “Hmm yeah?” “I love you,” Kenma smiled down at the boy in his arms “I love you too.” He kissed the smaller boy’s forehead and layed down. Them both falling into a comfortable sleep. 

~~~~

Hinata woke up and checked his phone, it was 5 am and he knew no one else would be awake. He slipped himself from Kenma’s grasp quickly scribbling something on a piece of paper he had stolen from his boyfriend’s desk before grabbing his phone and searching for directions to the Tokyo tower. He walked over to Kenma wiping the tears from his eyes and kissing his boyfriend, his best friend, on the forehead one last time. Tears streamed down his face as he left the home of the only person to love him for himself.

  
  


~~~

  
  


Kenma woke up cold. He rolled over to pull Shoyo closer and was surprised to find the bed empty. He sat up and checked the time on his phone: 5:10 am? Why did he get up so early, he wouldn’t have to leave Tokyo for another hour. Kenma walked around the house looking for him when he noticed there was one less pair of shoes by the door than there had been last night. He pulled out his phone to text him when his phone lit up with a message.

**Holly Jolly Volly Gays**

Oh yeah, he had forgotten Sho had added him to the Karasuno chat at some point without anyone (himself included) realizing. He opened the message

**Sugamama: Has anyone seen Hinata?**

**Sugamama: He was sick yesterday so I came to check on him before school and nobody’s home?**

**Hinata was sick yesterday? He told me you made him go home yesterday**

**But he didn’t say why...he actually stayed over here last night but he was**

**gone when I woke up about ten minutes ago**

**Yamagucci: Yeah he threw up at lunch yesterday and Suga~san took him home early**

**Oh….he seemed fine when he was over here**

**Salty-Shima: Is nobody going to question why the Nekoma setter is in OUR group chat?**

**Salty-Shima: No? Alright then. Glad to see we’ve got our priorities straight**

**Thunder dude: Shoyo added him a while back**

**Thunder dude: Did none of you guys notice that?!?**

**Thunder dude: Dang**

**Milky-Yama: Okay but WHY is he in the group chat**

**Buda’s Evil twin: Because Hinata wanted to add his boyfriend?**

**Buda’s Evil twin: Duh?**

**Thunder dude: WAIt-**

**Thunder dude: Did you guys seriously not notice?!?!?! And I thought we were the dumb ones**

**Sugamama: GUYS-**

**Sugamama: Can we please focus on finding Hinata?! Something is obviously not right….**

As they continued talking Kenma paced his room trying to figure out where he had gone he noticed a note on his desk that hadn’t been there before he walked over and picked it up to read it. “Dear Kenma, I am so sorry for what I’m about to do, trust me you were perfect and it hurts to have to leave you like this. It’s just getting harder and harder and everything hurts. It might be a little hard for you at first but I want you to keep going, you’ll get over me eventually and move on to better people and better things. Another thing, I want to talk to my mom, she’ll take my passing really hard and blame herself when I’m gone, so, please make sure she understands it has nothing to do with her. I love you, forever and always -Shouyou” He stared at the note in shock before diving for his phone on the bed.

**….**

**Sugamama: Kenma?**

**We have to find Shoyo RIGHT NOW.**

**Sugamama: Why what happened?**

**He’s gonna kill himself**

**I just found the note I don’t know what to do**

**I can’t breathe**

**Please find him.**

**Sugamama: Okay here’s what we’re gonna do, I’m going to send Kuroo to you because it**

**Sounds like you’re having a panic attack, we’re going to find him and tell you where he is and**

**You can go get him yourself.**

**Daichi: I called the Tokyo authorities and they’re looking for him now**

Kenma heard a knock on his door before Kuroo came in, kneeling on the ground next to him. Kenma could feel the air leaving his lungs and not coming back he knew he was hyperventilating and couldn’t talk himself down like he normally could when he had a panic attack. Kuroo realized this and caught his attention. “Hey, hey, hey, Kenma look at me, look at my hair you see how spiky it is, you used to hate it but it grew on you. Now look at your hands, they’re on the ground can you feel the carpet under your fingers, good now match my breathing, in…...out…...in…..out……, good now Sugawara sent me Hinata’s location so let’s go get him. Kenma nodded and they ran out the door.

~~~

When they got there they realized they were at a bridge, they looked but didn’t see the small middle blocker anywhere. They quickly jumped out of the car and checked both sides of the bridge. “He’s over here!” Kuroo shouted from the opposite side of the bridge from Kenma. They quickly made their way down to the river bank and realized a few people were with him. He was conscious but wet and shaking from the cold. He quickly realized the people were Akashi and Bokuto from Fukurodani and must have given Hinata the towel he now had wrapped around himself. Kenma paid them no mind running past them only to practically collapsed into his small boyfriend’s lap and began sobbing. “We saw him jump and immediately went to pull him out, he should be fine, just a little wet,” Bokuto said as he wrapped his arm around Akashi. Kuroo nodded and looked over to his best friend who was still sobbing into the small boy’s lap. He turned to the other two “Come on let’s give them some space” They all nodded and walked over the sit on the stairs. They were soon joined by the Karasuno team. 

Kenma had stopped sobbing and pulled Hinata into his lap, “Don’t ever do anything like that again do you hear me,” Hinata nodded quickly and pulled Kenma into a hug, kissing him just a moment later. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry,” Hinata cried into Kenma’s shoulder, “shhh it’s okay, I love you no matter what, forever and always.” They looked up at the faces on the stairs. He saw the worried looks on everyone’s faces, Suga, Yams, Yachi, Asahi, Noya, and Tanaka all had tear tracks down their cheeks. His family, they all cared about him. And he had to keep living, if not for himself then for them. He looked back at Kenma and nodded “Forever and always.”


End file.
